fed up

i always trying to avoid to talk about my family stuff.. somehow they really make feel like respecting them is just like.. shit!!!!i really do respect them as my parents.. cause they told me taught me a lot of things.. but i dont really like the way they talk..


few days back.. my mum told me that she had already filled RM30 petrol for my car.. okay!! thanks my mum.. but she added on, don't simply waste the petrol!!! of course i answered her, how i wasted the petrol???! then she said I reply defiantly.. after hearing this, i was like WHAT THE HELL!!!!


i just nothing left to say, and i walked away. i rather drive to McD and sit there for hours. today is the 6th day i going to McD in the early morning and going back almost evening. I feel this is the only way to avoid seeing them and then argue and then ..er.. you know..


i hate my dad whenever he says YOU ARE USELESS!!! can you please think twice before you speak your words. you have no idea how much you hurt me.. last friday, i was crying like hell alone in my car.. first time in my life, i have cried like for so long in my car.. but no one realize..


i am trying my best for my coming final.. i really end up stressing myself cause i have skipped lectures and tutorials frequently.. so i need doubled up my time to do revision.. but my family just don't understand me.. they though I always going out with my friends and spending money and bla bla bla.. but if you don't know anything can you please shut up your fucking mouth!! why don't you ask me, what i have done outside each of everyday??? is it too hard to voice out???


i know i am not enough as a good daughter in their eyes.. but at least i have tried my best to be their pride.. but end up with odious comparison among the good result children. compliments follow sometimes but lesser and lesser as i grown up.. Sometimes i need compliments to push myself further.. but.. i really don't know what i insist and i persist of doing current things.. 


nether give up halfway, do a thing by halves nor left something unfinished is my style of doing thing.. although my mum told me once, if i really can't catch up in my studies or i don't really like this course im taking or i feel like i am being forced to take this course, they allowed me to change course.. but i have been studying in second year. i dont want to waste my time to restudy in the first year and the course i interested but not familiar with.


after all, one word to describe my current situation : FED UP !!!!